By | June 11, 2021

Yesterday: Saturday, nice day, not too much sun, a little wind, the perfect day for shopping, for the completely broken young lupus that I am. In the direction of the Four Times Shopping Center in La Défense, there weren’t many people there, it’s top shopping without the hustle and bustle, except maybe in the H&M swimwear department: € 9 one top and one bottom! But I haven’t cracked.

A few purchases and 2 hours later Claudia was gone !!! I have exceeded my “daily market quota”, the famous 2 hours. Pain in the feet, calves, thighs, lower back, back, arms, forearms, shoulders, in short, nothing has escaped. But I wanted to persevere, or rather abuse, and stayed an hour longer: an hour of self-torture. Where do I really wish I was back? When I left the Castorama des Quatre Temps, the evenings prevented me from going out because, according to them, I opened a pack of screwdrivers and stole it. Oh my god, I wonder how I managed to stay calm because stupid accusations like this are usually easy to get carried away with. Break up? No charges and of course I didn’t steal a screwdriver that people can be stupid sometimes.

In all of these events, the 2-hour contingent was exceeded by far: the time lost in Casto, the time for the journey home. Finally on the way back I spent one of my worst nights of 2010, I’ve had this pain many times, it’s dog pain, it’s persistent and the inspiration is worse. I almost wanted to tear it off and it stayed until this morning.

It is the pain that I am always afraid of, so the feeling cannot be experienced! Noooo I don’t scold us, we don’t stop in place, we just want to close our eyes and hope that it will come back when it reopens, but it’s not that simple!

Plaquenil? It doesn’t really affect me … A radio? We don’t see anything! A massage? It frees up the massage time, but when it stops, it comes back.

So where was I wrong? Want to go out, make my Saturday a banal day like it is for so many others? What did I do wrong when I exceeded my quota? Because if that’s it, then stay at home, because going out for 2 hours of pseudo-fun: so nothing to do with your day, and stay at home.

I just wanted to treat myself to something, I don’t go out often, shopping is rare, and now 3 hours in 15 have completely ruined me! And then? You have to lie to yourself with such little sentences that are supposed to cheer us up like: “Let’s do it!” or even “We’re kidding!”

I would like to “join in” if this pain confuses the calm in my shoulder 🙁

And passions then? The hobbies?

In the end, we have the right to have what passion for an LED? Well, because sport is a bit dead, with our heart problems, asthma, joint and / or muscle problems, the less we do, the better we do! So what? Drawing and painting? I used to draw a lot, but now my arm, fingers and wrists hurt a lot.

So the writing? Typing on a PC keyboard is just as painful, it is tiring to force it. And like any activity that hurts, tires, etc., it puts me in a state of excruciating anger because I want to do things that I can’t! One of my biggest obsessions is dropping something on the floor because it is an art to bend over without getting tired! lol ahlala Sad tragic world !!!

So I found the photo. Reflex and Presto photos! It’s not too tiring in and of itself, it’s comfortable, and it’s beautiful. But hey, it’s mostly a solitary outdoor activity to practice in good weather.

Me: I would love to exercise, anyone, and go home without the back farting and the pain that won’t leave me anytime soon. I would like to be able to write by hand or on the PC without injuring my hands after fifteen minutes.

I want to do a lot of activities and be in good shape, at least a little more vitality, to be able to get up from my seat without turning my head, “cracking” a thigh, a neck that hangs down, a cramp in the head, Walking, etc. One of the hardest things I think about is when I’m home alone with nothing to do: I start thinking about everything I could do that I don’t.

The friends? lol let’s talk about it! At the time of “60mg cortisone / day” I had to make something out of one cubic meter! If you’re fat and ugly, you don’t pose a threat to girls your age, we’re full of you, oh yes: D

But if you go to 2 mg / day because you have fresh blood but you are pretty insane, in 3 months you will lose all excess weight and you will end up being 36 and 55 kg for 1m 65, and you can go without it eating increasing there is a problem for “girlfriends”.

Because they all grew up, and I, thinner … So it’s based on criticism: “You are anorexic, you eat that a lot in front of us, at home you have to puke, etc.” Why do you think so? Certainly because my dark circles bothers you, ohlala! Rings many have lupus too lol and they know about my dirty eating habits and maybe jealous who knows. But there is nothing to be jealous of, I would still prefer lifetime weight issues and no LED.

And after that the illness? I could talk to them for hours every day, they are way too stupid or stupid I don’t know to hold 1/10 the definition of “lupus”. No, I’m not really surrounded, our reviews are mostly based on bad reviews but don’t think if it goes too far I will let myself go, I know how to open up!

To sum up, I feel shitty when it’s as ugly as it is today, when there’s not much to do, or at least there’s not much I can do. And this cold, which hurts, from which one suffers a lot: it is not terrible. It’s actually downright depressing 🙁

So: ideas for recreation, for a pseudo-anorexic lupus, like these dear friends? (And no, I’m not anorexic lol I just regained my body and metabolism from cortisone)

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